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Joke of the Day

"Having Justin Bieber sing at your funeral so your death will be the second worst thing happening to your friends that day."

"What stretches further, skin or rubber? Skin, it says in the scripture that Moses tied his ass to a tree and walked 3 miles to the next town."

"I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer I saw it through my telescope last night."

"There are 3 kinds of people in this world The ones who can count, and those who can't."

"How do you kill a circus? You stab it in the juggler."

"[NSFW] What do a pizza delivery person and a gynecologist have in common? They both get to smell it, but can't eat it."

"My mexican friend told me he is far sided, I said so does that mean you cant see far away? to which he replied >""No, I *quinceanera*"""

"A study has shown that 40% of men over 40 suffer erectile dysfunction. Looking at 40% of women over 40, I'm not surprised."

"The TSA was like ""Damn how did you get out of Iraq?"" Iran"

"I'm just typing some words in a box for you to look at."