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Joke of the Day

"Why is Bruce Lee so good at telling jokes? Because if his punch line doesn't work, you still get a kick out of it."

"I wake up every morning feeling like a Japanese democracy. Huge erection."

"""I'm sorry"" and ""my bad"" mean the same thing... Unless you're at a funeral."

"If you're OCD and you know it, wash your hands."

"How do you call a beautiful feminist? An oxymoron"

"I have to wonder why we have ""non-essential"" government employees in the first place."

"Things i use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%"

"Customer: I didn't order this. Waiter: I know but your meal tastes worse."

"After I got divorced, my former wife told me about a movie she gave 2 thumbs up that I should definitely take the kids to see. I told her, ""That wouldn't be appropriate. That movie is ex-rated"""

"The asian girl I'm playing chess against is really hot, you might say she's worth a... *puts on sunglasses* ""Second rook"""