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Joke of the Day

"[wife replies to text that I found a genie] dont do a thing im almost home [she pulls up and the car from the cars movie is in the driveway]"

"What did the Officer say after arresting the crooked cook? ""I just booked a cook for cooking the books."""

"A girl walks into McDonald's and she sees a cute cashier. She goes up to order and asks for a Hot 'n Spicy McDickin."

"What is the plural of manatee? Menatee"

"What's the best thing to bring to your holiday party? A Christmas tree. Because they're lit."

"My wife thinks I'm cheating on her with our babysitter... I think she's just bitter because she's never been able to have kids..."

"The only time my ex will ever scream ""DEEPER, DEEPER"" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground."

"Baby Lawyer: Did you steal the victim's nose? Accused: No. *cries into palms Baby Judge: O, great, he's disappeared again."

"What kind of ring is the least exciting? A BOring"

"I was kicked out for trying to have sex with a girl with down syndrome I wanted to lose my virginity to someone special."