78172

Joke of the Day

"do not be racist Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!"

"Why do bees have sticky hair? They use honeycombs."

"Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is being at a party and feeling socially awkward."

"I used to hate having athlete's foot... ...but it's growing on me"

"If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive... I'd use it to buy some rental properties and try to invest some in the market."

"Why did princess Diana cross the road? She forgot to wear a seatbelt."

"What do you say when someone asks you to make a fat person leave? ""Piece of cake."""

"Remember when you were small & all you wanted was a pony but your parents were high on meth & thought the house was already full of ponies?"

"wife: Why was that guy yelling at you? [flashback to me ignoring the ""one per customer"" sign] me [with a mouthful of cheese samples] No idea"

"LIAM NEESON: [writing grocery list] bread milk cheese eggs vengeance [he stops writing, frowns] vengeance grapes"