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Joke of the Day

"What's The Difference Between Donald Trump and a Bucket of Shit? The Bucket!"

"ancestry dot com told me my ancestors were ""A Shit Ton of Sketchy Raccoons"". bullshit. i didnt pay 50 bucks for something i already knew"

"Teacher: Fill out the parent form. Me: Why? Teacher: So I can contact you if your kid gets in trouble. Me: *writing* Raised. By. Wolves."

"Did you know that Erwin Schrodinger's funeral was closed casket? He was buried (|Dead> + |Alive>) / sqrt(2)"

"Heard about the news the acientist allover the world have been talking about? There amazed how there are only 7 planets left after i destroyed URANUS."

"How long does it take a monkey to fly a plane from LA to New York? About 6 hours."

"There was a spider in my bathroom so I threw the cat at it. The spider is dead but the cat's pretty pissed"

"Who was the most important Knight of the Round Table? Sir Cumference."

"I seem pretty put together for a grown woman who imagines she's traveling through a wormhole each time she pulls a turtleneck over her head."

"[Concert] Triangle player: *proudly playing his triangle [Octagon player struts on stage] Triangle player: ""What the-"""