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Joke of the Day

"I seem pretty put together for a grown woman who imagines she's traveling through a wormhole each time she pulls a turtleneck over her head."

"I identify with sleeping... Yeah, I'm a nap-kin."

"A child gets a toy Ferrari stuck in his belly button... ... it wouldn't be a problem if it was an Audi."

"What's better than roses on your piano? Two lips on your organ."

"Ah, the great Rental Car Kabuki Dance: I turn down the coverage and prepaid gas, the clerk admonishes me for the folly of my ways."

"""Batman, we need your help in Paris immediately."" ""Worry not, Commissioner, I've already changed my Facebook profile picture."""

"A chicken and an egg were lying in bed... ..when the chicken turned to the egg, puffed from his cigarette, and said ""Well that answers THAT question!""."

"What do you call a blonde on a college campus? A visitor"

"How did the constipated mathematician solve his problem? Simple! He just worked it out with a pencil!"

"Why did the guitarist get arrested? He was arrested for fingering a minor"