78047

Joke of the Day

"I like how McDonalds mixes the napkins in the to-go bag with the greasy food, so that even when I'm wiping my mouth I can get fatter."

"Drew Barrymore is so hot. That's why E.T. is one of my favorite movies."

"Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, was quite skinny, and apparently had bad breath. That'd make him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis"

"Why did the snowman have his pants down? Because he heard the snowblower was coming."

"A recent study has linked alcohol to the risk of stroke in women... but i got a dick so lets drink!"

"I honestly have no idea how I stopped petting the first dog I ever pet."

"If you elect me president, the national unemployment figures are guaranteed to drop by at least one."

"What do you call a Mexican guy who's car always goes missing? Carlos."

"What do you call a alligator in a vest? Investigator."

"I was going to tell you a joke about my penis, but it's too long. That's OK. I was going to tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."