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Joke of the Day

"I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else's."

"I tossed a quarter at my girlfriend... ""Ouch, that hit me in the head!"" I look back and reply, ""good, maybe that'll knock some cents into you"" I'll see myself out."

"Don't hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook."

"""He's a jerk. I'm over him anyway. (5 minutes later) Ooh, he texted! I want to have his babies!"" -Women"

"For Halloween, our daughter is dressing up as joke telling jack-o'-lantern. She's our little pun-kin."

"Whenever a guy named Stephen tells me what to do, I like to yell, ""you're not my real hen!"" and run away..."

"[Gaming] Why did the console player cross the road? To render the buildings on the other side"

"Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws? It costs an arm and a leg to eat there!"

"They should do a scene in a comedy movie where someone rides their bike into a parked car."

"If ISIS were a Pokemon, which would they be? Voltorb; they're always using self destruct"