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Joke of the Day

"Why is the tailor's daughter such a slut? She gives great hem jobs."

"I've discovered I own five umbrellas, if anyone wants to stage a musical number."

"My dad told me they once had to cancel a football season because John Madden ate all of the footballs."

"Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving."

"Salesman: Would you like to buy a pocket calculator? Customer: No thanks. I know how many pockets I have."

"[DEATH ROW] WARDEN: Last meal? CON: Just a glass of lemonade please *Drinks lemonade/Burps* WARDEN: Pardon [CON WALKS FREE] W: SHIT"

"ME: Hey they're playing our song. HER: This isn't our song. ME: [turning up ""Go Your Own Way""] Yes it is, Karen. I want a divorce."

"Why was the Baker a part-time drug dealer? Because he really kneaded the dough. (please forgive me for that awful pun)"

"Of all the millions and trillions of literary devices, hyperbole is my favorite."

"I'm currently working on a management oriented book focused on the delegation of tasks ""I'll have my secretary let you know when my intern finishes writing it."" - Mr. Manager Cordially, Mrs. Team Lead"