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Joke of the Day

"I'm currently working on a management oriented book focused on the delegation of tasks ""I'll have my secretary let you know when my intern finishes writing it."" - Mr. Manager Cordially, Mrs. Team Lead"

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"Facebook, where people can pretend to be everything they really aren't to the friends they really don't have."
"Why did the Dictator ban Soda? Because there couldn't be 2-liters."
"cops at DUI checkpoints should just check to see if u texted ur ex at some point throughout the night"
"What did one elf girl say to the other elf girl who wasn't sharing? ""Stop being so elfish, Karen!"""
"I named my dick the truth, because the truth hurts, and you can't handle the truth!"
"Why did the mouse whisper into the elephant's ear? The giraffe put him up to it."
"When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: ""Guess who?"" for 2 weeks."
"I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait..."
"If you ask me about my love life, I can honestly say... I'm holding my own."