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Joke of the Day

"The shame of my ancestry weighs heaviest on my soul any time a white person asks if they can get a ""what what""."

"Why do lesbians like Sports Authority so much? Because they hate Dick's!"

"The circles under my eyes are so dark, Animal Planet is following me around filming a documentary about a raccoon out of its natural habitat"

"What are the similarities between hiring a prostitute and bungee jumping? It's both expensive, short and when the rubber snaps you're fucked."

"911: what's your emergency? me: what's YOUR emergency? 911: *starts crying* omg no one's ever asked me that before! me: jk I've been stabbed"

"How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring."

"Dear Shirtless Guy in his Profile Pic, You REALLY want to impress girls? Get a job & pose in front of your cubicle."

"What do you call it when two hobbits are involved in a footrace that is too close to call A Frodo-finish"

"The Punished Schoolboy by Major Bumsaw"

"Hey baby, You know how I know I'm getting laid tonight? I'm stronger than you."