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Joke of the Day

"My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp, I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again."

"Putting a bell around a cow's neck to circumvent its stealthiness is just wrong. I say let them hunt."

"What's the difference between a whore and a prostitute? Capitalism."

"Mind Blown. Girls=Time and Money Because Time=Money Girls=Money (squared) Since Money is the root of all evil square root the squared Money Therefore Girls=Root of all evil"

"How do I know when your sister's on her period..... Your dad's dick taste like blood"

"What's the worst thing you can hear after giving Willie Nelson a bj? I'm not Willie Nelson."

"wife: What's wrong? me [annoyed because the kids menu has a picture of a tree on it but they didn't give me any brown crayons] Nothing"

"Why can't a bicycle stand on its on? Because its two tired"

"How do you know you can't trust doctors and lawyers? Because they both ""practice"" their professions."

"""Why was the Amish girl excommunicated ? Too Mennonite."" - Hitchens"