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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you roll weed on a dictionary? ...High Definition"

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"How do you piss of an archaeologist? Hand him a tampon and ask what period it's from."
"What do you do if your daughter gets dirty in the laundry room? You washer and dryer."
"Your college degree doesn't mean you're smart, it just means you're in debt."
"Life is like a dry handjob. Sometimes its painful sometimes its enjoyable most of the time its hard but mostly your just happy it keeps goin"
"What's the similarity between a gay man and a toothpick? They both poke around in old food"
"My gf just sat me down and confessed to me that she used to be a Christian. It came as quite a shock; I've only ever known her as Christine"
"When I die, please bury me wrapped in a sheet. That way I won't have to look for one when I become a ghost"
"Why did Hitler really commit suicide? He got the gas bill"
"If you say ""NO YOURE UNDER ARREST"" the cop legally has to get in the back of your car."