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Joke of the Day

"Neighbour mowed his lawn at 6am... Logic dictates that I should get drunk in the backyard tonight and try to learn to play the didgeridoo."

"Marriage is like walk in park.... and the name of this park is ""Jurassic Park"""

"Florist: ""Would you like your flowers wrapped?"" Me: ""Nope, they're going right into the shredder before I give them to my sister-in-law."""

"A man says, "" It's raining cats and dogs!"" The Chinese man comes out of his house with his chopsticks immediately..."

"Offered the kids $5 to clean so they could learn about money and then didn't pay them so they could learn about randomly trusting people."

"If aliens are supposed to be so much more advanced than us, how did ET not know about texting?"

"Hillary's team is really going all out to get the LGBTQ vote... They've even convinced Huma to get rid of her Weiner."

"What's the difference between fog and mist? If you hit it its fog, if you don't it's mist."

"What do you call it when the Speaker of the House is angry? .... A raging Boehner."

"[parole hearing] ""What will u do if released?"" ""Kill everyone on the jury."" ""What?"" ""Buy everyone jewellery."" ""Aw. Granted."""