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Joke of the Day

"[On phone with Pizza Hut] Me: I texted my order 4 hrs ago! PH: Are you sure you didn't tweet it...again? Me: PH: Sir? Me: K. Love you. Bye."

"Sometimes when I talk to people I start pointing at crouches. (Point)"

"I'm at the vets..... A man opposite me weeps with an empty cage in his arms. I'd be crying too if I were that forgetful."

"I just used a Saddam Hussein jelly mould.... I think I've set a dangerous president."

"""What's the matter with him?"" ""Nothing. He's a positron."""

"Knowledge is Power They always say knowledge is power, but I'm pretty sure I can beat up Stephen Hawking."

"My Parents asked me what i wanted for christmas... I said i want something to wear and something to play with. So they got me a pair of pants with the pockets cut out."

"I like my women the way I like my coffee... Two years old and stone cold..."

"Why do dentists only want to be awarded with paper certificates? They hate plaque buildup."

"Did you hear about the failed Indian musician? He was hoisted by his own sitar."