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Joke of the Day

"A fish lost it's body part. Fin."

"i like to say ""so long"" in an asian accent is that so wrong?"

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool."

"Customer asking Bin Laden in Bar ( i need /u/yourjokeexplainedhere Customer: ""I'll have a Bin Laden, please."" Barman: ""Sir, what is dat?"" Customer: ""Two shots and a splash of water."""

"What do all battered women have in common? (In a frustrated voice) They just don't listen."

"What do you call slapping hands with (5^.5+1)/2? A high phive! I'll see myself out now."

"Everyone lies on their resume but I fear I may have gone overboard with 'immortal' and 'shoots lasers from eyes' and 'hardworking'."

"Why do cow wear bells? Because their horn doesn't work!"

"Wouldn't it be messed up if we found out Rome was built in like 23.5 hours?"

"Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own."