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Joke of the Day

"Where does almond and cashew milk come from? Crazy cows. They have to be nuts."

"Marijuana? More like MOURNrijuana, because you're parents will have to go to your funeral if you try it. #no"

"Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippy? He was too far out, maan!"

"What would you call a Russian invasion of Alaska? Ice [Krim](http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%D0%9A%D1%80%D1%8B%D0%BC)"

"Ever open a drawer to get something, forget what it was, close the drawer and immediately remember, only to have to open the drawer again?"

"Came with our Christmas cracker Q: Did you hear about the man who stole the advent calendar? A: He got 25 days."

"A bunch of white men came up with ways to solve institutional racism, and all without having to listen to even one black person. GREAT JOB!"

"PEOPLE OF THE PLANE LISTEN TO ME WHEN THE SEATBELT LIGHT GOES OFF STAND UP IMMEDIATELY OR YOUR SPOT IN THE NON-MOVING LINE WON'T BE ASSURED"

"How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, Change has to come from WITHIN!"

"Sorry I commented on that video of your kid taking his first steps with ""aw look you taught it how to walk on its hind legs!"""