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Joke of the Day

"""I'll shave whoever I want! I'll shave you, I'll shave her! I'll shave a goddamn baby if need be!"" Sean Connery, boasting about his heroism"

"COMPUTER: HINT: name of best friend ME: Jen C: Jen sounds nice M: Wh-what? C: Is Jen single? M: Uh... C: Answer the question. Is Jen single?"

"A suicide bomber is teaching some new recruits... He said, ""Watch this demonstration carefully. I'm only going to do this once."""

"British politics is like a gym. Everyone laughs when they see youkip."

"What's beef jerky? Dried parts of a cow that had Parkinson's."

"Why did the artist put on a show of horse paintings? He wanted to mount an exhibit!"

"No, takeout goes in the front seat. You sit in the back."

"I'm not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that's the problem - you don't please anyone."

"Jehovah's Witnesses door-to-door success rate would be a lot higher if they partnered up with the Girl Scouts & started selling cookies ..."

"Life is like a penis.. Women make it harder.."