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Joke of the Day

"What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day? A coffin break."

"Apparently telling someone you'll catch their next wedding is unacceptable, whatevers."

"George W Bush looked exactly like a chimpanzee, and Michelle Obama has the face of a gorilla... The White House should be the name of the monkey exhibit at the Washington DC Zoo!"

"What's the difference between a Mercedes and a bunch of dead babies? I don't have a Mercedes in my garage."

"Finals in college are a lot like plastic surgery walk in with A's and leave with D's."

"My family is getting worried about my consumption of deli meats, and I'm not sure what to do... They're trying to pressure me into quitting cold turkey!"

"Historical fact: The term ""bro"" originated over a hundred million years ago and was short for brontosaurus."

"""Awww look my boyfriend left his Facebook open, I'm going to log him off without checking his inbox."" Said no woman ever"

"Where does a King keep his armies? In his sleevies!"

"Whats 12 inches long, rock hard, and full of semen? The sock under my bed."