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Joke of the Day

"I'll do algebra. I'll do trigonometry. I'll even do calculus! But graphing is simply where I draw the line."

"I could never learn the alphabet as a kid. problems with the x..."

"My wife's a biology teacher... This morning she asked how I wanted my eggs. I told her, ""Ovariesy."""

"*detective bangs on table* I SAID GIVE ME A NAME! ""Uh, Aaron?"" Aaron... I like it! *'Aaron' leaves interrogation room, ready for a new life*"

"I hit a guy with my car the other day. Don't worry, it wasn't serious. well... I was laughing. He might have been too, I didn't stop to find out."

"Cop: Are you drunk? Me: Could a drunk person do this? *I just piss my pants* Cop: WOW. Yes actually. Me: That was supposed to be a backflip"

"Talking about me behind my back? Good. My ass likes attention."

"Why do so many girls do archaeology degrees? Because they love digging up the past."

"Brain: Walk up to her and offer her a drink. Me: I WANT TO DRINK YOU LIKE A SIPPY CUP. Brain: Can you actually hear me?"

"Johnny asked his grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, ""No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could fuck in one night."""