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Joke of the Day

"You know those dirty movies that come on late at night? If one of those actresses doesn't feel comfortable doing a certain dirty scene, they use a cunt double"

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"I find that the secret to not being insecure is to just be better than everybody at everything while being incredibly good looking."
"I got kicked out of the procrastinators club when I showed up for our first meeting.."
"Giving blood is a great way to help society AND lose unsightly blood weight!"
"My mom always said I was like a punctuation mark I am an exclamation mark when I should have just been a period."
"I was curious just how big this Trump dick is, after hearing all the news from last nights debate, so I googled it. From the pictures I would say he's about six feet, maybe a little taller."
"Can we all agree the biggest balls belong to the first person to set up a tip jar at Starbucks?"
"If you can't afford healthcare... Go to an airport. They give free x-rays and mammograms, and if you mention al-Qaeda, they'll throw in a free colonoscopy too!"
"I rolled over and saw a girl laying in bed next to me. ""How the fuck did you get in here?"" I asked. She said, ""You don't remember last night, do you?"" ""I do,"" I replied, ""But my hallway is narrow."""
"What is long, black and smelly? The unemployment line."