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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Libertarian Cross the Road? None of your Damn Business. Am I being detained?"

"I just scrolled so far back on Facebook's Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. "

"A. Schwarzenegger has it long, Brad Pitt short, Madonna does not have it and the Pope does not use it. What is it? A surname."

"How my girlfriend stay's thin. Wanna know how my girlfriend stays thin? She burns most of her calories jumping to conclusions."

"Girl, are you organized? Because I want to get on your ToDo list!"

"This is a Tylenol conversation. So you can Aleve."

"My girlfriend is like the square root of -100 A solid 10, but imaginary"

"-""What should we call our band?"" -Ponies! -Dude, we're a heavy metal band. -Satanic ponies!"

"It's my life. I'll live it, I'll love it, and I won't care what you think of it."

"The road to hell is paved. That's nice."