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Joke of the Day

"strange love! Muhammad Ali said that he loved human beings but every time he beat the shit out of every human in the ring. I guess love finds many ways to express itself."

"Dogs are perfect napkins because they just think you're petting them."

"Starting now, every hour, on the hour, walk up to a stranger and slip the tongue in. Because it's midnight somewhere. HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

"Having an argument on the internet... ... Is like having a small dick contest. There's no weiner."

"My cat sleeps on the refrigerator... I get to see her every 30 min"

"If there's a God then how come sometimes tomatoes get slightly too soft and then feel weird in your mouth?"

"West Coast problems If you meet a vegan, and they do crossfit, which do they talk about first?"

"Will you marry me? Will you marry me = a marriage proposal Will, you, Marry, me = a foursome proposal"

"How do you juice an orange? Play with its citorus"

"Should I ever become president everyone who uses the word ""bae"" will be sterilized."