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Joke of the Day

"Why did the mummy cry himself to sleep every night? Because he was empty inside."

"[pizza delivery] Girl: Is there an other way I can pay you? *bites lip* uh HELL YEAH! *pulls out phone* see that RT button?"

"Kim Jong-un read War and Peace in a day. At least I think that's why they call him Supreme Reader."

"Saw an offer up at a pet shop selling unwashed dogs 'Buy one get one flea'"

"TIL: Studies have shown that people who annually experiance more birthdays tend to live longer. 'The more you know'"

"I once tried starting a private airline business But it never took off"

"I can't wait until I'm 69. It's going to be hilarious."

"Jack All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no pay makes Jack a Mexican."

"What's the difference between a Jew and a woman? Idk I'm voting trump"

"On the news: there's a shortage of maternity-ward staff. You could say it's a bit of a...*looks away* *mumbles* MIDWIFE crisis! (...sorry.)"