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Joke of the Day

"Spoiler alert: Doctor Strange could not become a Sorcerer Supreme until he learned to like sour cream."

"A woman on the subway this morning said ""did you know the government is closed? Is it a holiday or something?"" So really, we deserve this."

"I am so smart and good at arguments.. I am so smart and good at arguments, that in the end I end up beating myself!"

"When I was a kid, I played football with a broken nose for an entire season... We couldn't afford a football."

"What is your favourite variable? I'm not sure, It's always changing."

"Did you hear about the homosexual letter? Only came in male boxes."

"Only 50 more days til we find out who's our next President! Last time I was nauseous 50 days straight, at least I got a baby out of it!"

"My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met."

"Instead of just answering the phone when it rings, I prefer to wonder why the hell someone's calling me and glare at it until it goes away."

"Every morning I wake up and every morning there is no breakfast in bed. We have got to do something about this level of poverty!"