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Joke of the Day

"When I was a kid, I played football with a broken nose for an entire season... We couldn't afford a football."

"I have decided that I am not a 30 something. I am 29.95, plus shipping and handling."

"The wife said she's leaving me because she's sick of doing absolutely EVERYTHING for me. If you're wondering why she's typed everything' in capitals,it's to emphasize the point."

"Why don't tortoises wear scarves? They have turtlenecks"

"What's an epileptic man's least favorite element? Cesium."

"What is it called when a ninja flees the scene of an accident? Hidden Run."

"Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because if they live by the bay, they would be bagels!"

"Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push."

"Why did the prostitute had a second vagina transplanted on her hip? So she could make money on the side."

"I dont want to make a joke but I really want to hear the most cancerous joke you know. If I get 100 of them I will show them all to my friend who hates cancerous jokes."