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Joke of the Day

"The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse, gets the cheese! [Dark humor, I love it!]"

"I saw this lady vogueing alone so I felt bad and started dancing with her. Anyone know sign language for 'Im sorry'?"

"Charlotte's Web is a horrible lie. If you hear a spider talking, let someone know bc you either have a concussion or that spider is a demon."

"I just set Twitter to post to Facebook, and Facebook to tweet to Twitter... So the internet should explode any minute now."

"What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ass? Mechanic."

"I just dozed off for a minute and woke up freaking out because I thought I missed my exit."

"Ask a man if he's critiquing your work... Men Who Are Dating say: No, & compliment you. Single Men say: Yes Married Men: Try to hide"

"2: I no want to eat pasta! It too spicy! Me: Oh ok then 2: I no wan watch Mickey Mouse he too spicy! Me: huh? 2: NO BATH TIME BATH TOO SPICY"

"My wife freaks out if any of my sperm gets on her face or hair or sister."

"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that."