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Joke of the Day

"Woke up this morning after a heavy night of drinking to find out that I'd gone bald. Which is strange because normally I go for brunettes."

"If a tree falls in the forest with no one around to hear it... Does a hipster still buy the soundtrack?"

"Why do cannibals love eating people with epilepsy? Because their favorite side dish is Seizure Salad."

"What's that Eminem song where he's mad?"

"Why is Iran called Iran? Because when I saw the bombs, I*ran*"

"What do you call a Jamaican guy on the internet? A digimon."

"You're so ugly that when you went to turn on your car stereo it overheated, fizzled, died out and started playing Who Let The Dogs Out"

"My parrot got himself a new suit. It's polly ester."

"TREE: [sees christmas tree thru window] who dose he think he is. all dressed up. too good to be outside ANOTHER TREE: be nice, he is dying"

"How do you get a mermaid pregnant? You fuck her."