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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend got mahogany breast implants yesterday. I think this joke would be more funny with a punchline. wooden tit?"

"What's the difference between Americans and Brits? Brits think 200 miles is a long distance, Americans think 200 years is a long time."

"What does Batman take with his drinks? Just ice"

"How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. Four to sit in the dark and cry about it and one to write the song."

"A cop pulls a guy over.... And asks the man ""sir have you been drinking tonight?"" Looking around the car bewildered he replies ""why is there a fat bitch in here?"""

"How do you know it's time to go to bed? Hitler is raping you!"

"i wonder if china has fancy plates called america"

"My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with the band The Monkees, i thought she was joking... then i saw her face..."

"*races to airport *hurdles though security *sees her at boarding gate *shouts her name *romantic music swells I RAN OVER YOUR CAT"

"I must have an amazing butt because every time I finish talking to someone & turn around to walk away, I hear them whisper, ""What an Ass!"""