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Joke of the Day

"Kid: why is my cousin named Diamond? Mother: because your auntie really loves diamonds Kid: well what about my name? Mother: never mind about that Richard."

"So everyone knows, it's frowned upon to yell ""Hot potato"" when someone hands you a baby and toss it back to them"

"Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish... ... but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast."

"Rather than vote, let's all fill out the 29 dimensions of what we want in a president and let eHarmony decide."

"I'm at my most ""penguin"", when I'm walking to get more toilet paper with my shorts around my ankles."

"Why is it called Big Bang? Baby universe was born."

"Me: Forgive me father I have sinned Priest: Get out of my house M: But it's a big sin P: *sigh* Speak child M: I broke into your house"

"what do you call chicken shawarma wrapped in a tortilla? A mosqueito."

"Mary, they told me your son is gay That's bullshit. The gay one is his boyfriend! His boyfriend!"

"Inventor displays the first knife ever. His friend, ""that's the greatest invention since bread"" Inventor, ""well I'm about to blow your mind"""