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Joke of the Day

"Angela Jolie's scanning the crowd. Anyone who's foreign and underaged goes in the adoption queue. #goldenglobes"

"What do you call a seafood restaurant that generates its own power? A fission-chips shop."

"Girl, you gotta be tired coz you been runnin through my mind all day. Note to self, stop saying that pickup lines to the girls in wheelchairs."

"I dated an Optometrist, but just had to break up with her She was a great girl, but really annoying in bed. She kept on saying, ""So, do you like it better like this? Or like this?"""

"The Pope walks into a mosque The Imam asks ""Why the wrong faith?"""

"A man walks into a psychiatrist ...and says ""Doctor, help me! Im a wigwam and a teepee!"" The doctor says ""Son. Sit down and relax. You're two tents."""

"I was told a good joke at a New Year party... Hillary Clinton"

"I swear to god, people these days have no morals whatsoever I was at church today and some scumbag lit a cigarette with an alter candle, I was so shocked I almost dropped my beer"

"I don't really know about the effects of nocturnal drinking I'm just taking a shot in the dark."

"I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree. I think I found my spirit animal."