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Joke of the Day

"Angela Jolie's scanning the crowd. Anyone who's foreign and underaged goes in the adoption queue. #goldenglobes"

"I'm not a Reddit admin... But 20 McNuggets is 20 McNuggets"

"If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country. If Clinton wins the election, I'm leaving the country. This isn't a political post; I just want to travel."

"How can you tell when your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start to pile up."

"Someone just used the phrase, 'that's a big load', on this conference call, and suddenly I'm paying attention."

"Why did the Muslim cross the road? I said to my self as I floored the accelerator. Although I guess he did get to the other side."

"My parenting book would be just a series of ""Shhh"" with different lengths and punctuation for various occasions."

"Did you know you can break your nose if you squint hard enough? I did it on the bus today and some Asian guy punched me in the face!"

"My wife: Are you ever going to stop quoting ""Gangstas Paradise""? Me: The way things are going I don't know"

"Today a cartoonist was found dead at home. Details are sketchy."