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Joke of the Day

"Girl: Saying hot is disrespectful. You should say 'beautiful' instead. Me: Ok. Me: Can you please pass the beautiful sauce?"

"Mickey is getting a divorce ""mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was...... extremely silly?"" ""no, i said she was fucking goofy"""

"Sending a second cup of coffee down to check on the first one to see why it's not doing its job"

"If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe's poker table you're too mature for me."

"Me: Who's a good boy? Dog: I thought we settled this."

"How does a blonde man get really rich,stupid and a candidate for president ? small loan of 100 million dollars"

"I thought I'd just discovered a mass grave for snowmen Turns out it was just a field of carrots"

"A balding person in denial is probably like maybe it's all in my head."

"Why women fail at saving money? Have you ever seen a money-box (piggy bank) with a hole at the bottom..."

"If porno was realistic, there would be kids knocking on the door yelling that spongebob was on a commercial break."