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Joke of the Day

"They say if you ever get attacked by a shark you should punch it in the nose which is easy cause imagine how composed you would be."

"My grandma is 80 years old, and still doesn't need glasses... She drinks right out of the bottle."

"Why do straight white girls always hang out in odd numbers? Because they literally can't even Like. Omg."

"So I heard a new Pope was elected today... His wife and kids must be so proud!"

"For the past month I have woken up to find hundreds of flowers with no heads all over my doorstep, garden and drive. I think I'm being stalked."

"Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink all day."

"what part of the alphabet is the wettest? H to O"

"""I OBJECT!!!"" The defendant screams in court. The judge gives him a very emotional hug and says ""no... you human""."

"I've just been to a concert put on by the Bermuda philharmonic orchestra. Half way through, the guy on the triangle disappeared."

"I wish I was getting a divorce. Because it would mean someone once loved me enough to marry me."