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Joke of the Day

"""I OBJECT!!!"" The defendant screams in court. The judge gives him a very emotional hug and says ""no... you human""."

"Two things went wrong today 1. My Wife got ran over by a bus 2. I lost my job at the bus company"

"Why was the Tibetan monk celibate? Because he didn't give a fuck."

"What does a robot do after a one night stand? He nuts and bolts."

"What do you call a group of squids? a *squad*"

"When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. And that tells you everything you need to know about marriage."

"What is 12 inches long, rock hard and full of semen? The sock under my bed."

"They said the kids that bullied me in school would be pumping my gas one day but 1 just got a modeling contract who do I talk to about this"

"How do you make a dead baby float? Nail a piece of styrofoam to its head."

"Money is really tight this year... My family has decided that we are going to exchange glances for Christmas."