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Joke of the Day

"Lies I'll never stop telling: 1. I'd never put you in a home, mom. 2. It's 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus."

"I am woman, hear me ignore."

"What did the spaceman say at the restaurant? This steak is too fatty! I wish it was a little meatier."

"Why doesn't mexico have an olympic team? ...because everyone who can run, jump or swim has already crossed the border"

"DAE ever wonder if Andy would be disappointed in OP for not delivering? I went for corny."

"Have you seen how expensive balloons are lately? Bloody inflation."

"With a name like Freddy Mercury... shouldn't he have done heavy metal?"

"What smells like pork? Kermits finger"

"Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on it's own? Because it was two tired."

"My wife told me not to say anything about her friend's lazy eye so I made sure to give numerous compliments on her super-athletic one."