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Joke of the Day

"What does a Chicago cop say after emptying his clip into a fleeing suspect? ""Stop. Police."""

"A cop stops a drunk man and asks: How high are you? The man replies: This is wrong english, you should say 'Hi, How are You?'"

"What jobs have you found out about that made you think ""why does this exist""?"

"I figure soon we will be grounding our children by sending them outside to play"

"Truthful Tuesday: The last time I had sex, I was so excited afterward I fired my musket skyward, alerting the Confederates to our presence."

"What's brown and sticky. A stick."

"So the Dalai Llama walks into a pizza place... ... and says, ""make me one with everything"""

"Just got a call from the head of Twitter (Paul Twitter). He says great opinions everyone, he's looking forward to more opinions tomorrow."

"[knocking at the door] VOICE OUTSIDE: Open up this is the fashion police! ME: [furiously flushing bandanas down the toilet] JUST A SECOND"

"How do I know we are going to have sex tonight? Because, I'm stronger then you are."