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Joke of the Day

"Some of my co-workers want to go hang out tonight. Trying to figure how to fake my death and still make it into work tomorrow."

"What burns longer, a red or a green candle? Neither, they both burn shorter."

"If you Happy and you know it thank your ex!"

"I'm having one of those off days For example, this morning, I made a bowl of cereal, but instead of putting the milk back in the fridge and the cereal back in the pantry, I fucked my neighbors wife"

"Sometimes I think I've missed my calling. Luckly for me I have voicemail."

"I thought it would be good idea to charge my Note 7 and make a call at the same time. Boy did that blow up in my face."

"Him: Sometimes you can be a little... loud. Me: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT I AM A DELICATE FLOWER"

"Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday."

"You know what they say about girls with big feet...? They gotta wear big shoes."

"How many eggs does a Frenchman need? One, because that's an Oeuf."