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Joke of the Day

"What did the lieutenant vulture say to the enlisted vultures who stopped eating a dead cow to salute? Carrion."

"""Always leave them wanting more"" is my new mantra when paying bills..."

"Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors."

"One fun thing about having a crappy car is abruptly shutting off the air conditioner on the highway and pretending you have a hyperdrive."

"Piers Morgan has taken a very strong stance against guns, and who can blame him? If you had a gun, you'd shoot him too."

"TIFU by getting called into the HR office.... apparently ""harass"" is not two words."

"[first date] ""What's wrong?"" I don't like the ambulance in this place [sniggering] ""You mean ambience"" [next table] NEE NAW NEE NAW WOOOOOO"

"What is an angel's favorite font? Sans Seraph"

"[Ouija board] GRANDMA WHERE IS YOUR COOKIE RECIPE"

"My buddy and I started a mountaineering business 6 months ago, and things haven't been going so well. We may have peaked early."