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Joke of the Day

"I want a real relationship; not a Facebook one"

"I'm a magician of sorts. I steal candy bars using sleight of hand. You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve."

"How many armed men does it take to extort an Olympic athlete? A Brazilian."

"50 shades of hay [50 shades of hay](http://imgur.com/YRGs7P0)"

"Look guys i thought a gangbang was where we all played drums together, i don't want any part of whatever's happening here"

"Having problems with my low-libido S.O., but last night she finally took one for the team! But when she got home she was completely exhausted and still didn't want to have sex with me."

"If a blonde and a brunette were tossed off a building together, who would hit the ground first? The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions."

"I guess I've cut back on my drinking... Time was, I'd buy a half gallon of bourbon and get drunk four times. Now I buy a half gallon and just get drunk twice."

"Pro tip: Don't moan when getting a pat down at airport security"

"If you post a pic of the temperature in your car on Facebook the University of Phoenix will email you a Meteorology degree."