70346

Joke of the Day

"Having problems with my low-libido S.O., but last night she finally took one for the team! But when she got home she was completely exhausted and still didn't want to have sex with me."

"""Of course size matters!"" My girlfriend screamed when I told her how big it was. Who the fuck wants a small pizza?"

"Baby showers are fun until someone has too much champagne and starts a plastic knife fight over a corner piece of cake. I need a ride home."

"Did you hear about the comedian who was arrested for domestic violence? He was a real niece slapper."

"i signed up for the cheapest life insurance i could find, it entitles my family to a tray of Wendys hamburgers when i die"

"What's the difference between a dog and a fox? About 4 pints"

"What's the fastest to have George Zimmerman pull a gun on you?"

"What do ISIS and Little Miss Muffett have in common? They both have curds in their whey!"

"Spell Xenophobia H-A-N-S-O-N"

"*Lowers thermostat* *Dad puts it back* *Lowers thermostat again* *Dad puts it back again* The real Cold War"