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Joke of the Day

"I hate when girls say, ""you probably say that to every girl."" don't you use the same resume when applying to different jobs?"

"What does a toilet, a clitoris, and an anniversary have in common? Men usually miss all three."

"What do you call a Chameleon that can't change colors? Reptile dysfunction."

"The furniture store keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was that one night stand."

"If a girl texts you and asks if you think she's fat and you try to respond ""Nooo"" autocorrect changes it to ""Moo"" so that's pretty cool."

"Quit embarrassing me in front of my friends, iPod shuffle."

"I bet Hemingway would've deleted a shitload of tweets the next day."

"I dream about living in a world where Adobe never asks me to update it."

"Am I the only person who's glad the Olympics are finally over with?"

"Before Instagram people had to display their photos in fish tanks full of piss."