75284

Joke of the Day

"Women are not complicated at all, except when they expect us to read between the lines."

"I hear my local school wants to introduce massage classes to help combat stress but there's been a lot of opposition from parents' groups. Apparently, it's a very touchy subject."

"I was in my space ship with my pregnant wife, travelling about .95c, when she suddenly went into labor. Turns out time wasn't the only thing that was dilated."

"A subject and verb walk into a bar... They have a disagreement. They walks out."

"Any time you see a mass suicide case on the news, you can pretty much assume the assembly of an IKEA product was the cause."

"I cry when I cut my carrots because I don't want my onions to feel awkward."

"My phone died, so I was forced to ""print"" a physical copy of my boarding pass, just like The Wright Brothers used to in the olden days"

"ONLY text me in an emergency. Like my car's shooting flames from the trunk, one of my exes dies eventfully, or if someone thinks I'm sexy."

"So I was out for a walk with my Grandpa... My grandpa had altzhiemer's disease, and we were going for a little walk when all of the sudden....... (Classic comedy)"

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a lobster with implants? One is a crusty bus station, and the other's a busty crustacean!"