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Joke of the Day

"ONLY text me in an emergency. Like my car's shooting flames from the trunk, one of my exes dies eventfully, or if someone thinks I'm sexy."

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a lobster with implants? One is a crusty bus station, and the other's a busty crustacean!"

"Not everyone is able to fly... but every toucan."

"This isn't a beer belly, it's a fuel tank for a love machine."

"You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway."

"I hosted my very first orgy last night and it was a total disaster Nobody came."

"Why does Mexico always underperform in the summer olympics? Because everyone that can run, swim or jump is in USA."

"I think that an XBox is the closest thing to a ""box"" that most gamers have ever seen. Clever branding Microsoft."

"What do all Amish women want? 2 Mennonite."

"If you ever feel like a complete moron never forget that I managed to text my wife today that she forgot her mobile at home. You're welcome."