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Joke of the Day

"me: better check my phone for texts from friends me: *checks phone* me: better get some friends"

"So I just listened to Kanye's album... Dafuq?"

"You say potato and I say... Who are you and why are you saying potato to me?"

"I love jewish comedians they never ham it up."

"There are two types of people in this world: Those that sing in the shower, and those that wank off. ...what song do they sing?"

"Why would anyone become an architect when everything you do gets destroyed in an X-Men movie?"

"How did Paul McCartney get Linda pregnant? C Moon"

"If an indoor shooting range is burning, what does one scream to inform them?"

"Friend: Hey guess what? Me: What? Friend: No, guess! Me: I don't need this friendship that bad."

"Why did the blind driver have no hands? He was reading road signs at 50 miles per hour"