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Joke of the Day

"Cashier at McDonalds said ""See you later"" a little too smugly at breakfast. I did not appreciate her condescension and told her so at lunch."

"Why was the egg late for work? It ova slept."

"Life is like a dry handjob. Sometimes its painful sometimes its enjoyable most of the time its hard but mostly your just happy it keeps goin"

"I went to a vegetarian restaurant I went to an all you can eat vegetarian restaurant the other day and there was this girl who said she knew me but I swear I never seen herbivore."

"[2 Humans who definitely aren't lizard people at Denny's] 1: I sure am glad they don't have newt brain on the menu 2: Right on, fellow human"

"[a Swarm of Bees requests to be your friend] um ok [a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event ""Come Outside""] what tha"

"I had a weird dream I was eating a hairy lollipop. Woke up this morning and my wifes head was covered in slobber."

"What's the difference between a republican and a democrat? How much damage can their Weiner make..."

"Considering we've produced Miley Cyrus and Kanye West, I'm more surprised other countries haven't built a wall around the U.S."

"How do you insult an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it is from."