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Joke of the Day
"What is the greatest part about women's hockey? Their pads last for three periods"
Next Joke
"Why did the scale not wear any of his shirts? Because they all had a tare ^^^I'llseemyselfout"
"They found more DNA from the NY escaped convicts... ...all over Joyce Mitchell's face!"
"Me: Excuse me Father, what's the Wifi password? Priest: We're in Church! Me: Oh I'm sorry. What's the Wifi password, Amen."
"What do you call a rifle that fires 3 bullets at once? A trifle!"
"I'd like Twitter to suggest: Since you've just unfollowed that loser, how about you get rid of some more fucking deadwood, like ......"
"You know yer addicted to twitter when you count letters in the surgeon general's warning on the vodka bottle & think ""Yeah, that would fit."""
"I told my 5 year old that he was allowed to choose 1 item from the grocery store so we're walking home with a cart."
"I saved my husband's life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax."
"I'll dress up like your Dad and hug you at the finish line of a 5K if you promise to never post any Facebook pics of you running ever again."