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Joke of the Day

"Guy walks into a store and asks the cashier for $0 in change... cashier says ""$0? That doesn't make any cents!"""

"Why can't you escape the angry forest? Because there are mad trees."

"I was going to grease my mechanic's hand with a $20 bill for the phenomenal job he did but ... he already overcharged me by $200."

"Yo mommas so old... She sees Dr. Grant."

"The last time I was this drunk and covered in glitter, it had nothing to do with Christmas."

"I like to walk up to strangers and ask, ""Would you take a photo of me?"" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away."

"Did you hear about the guy who could only count using odd numbers? He literally couldn't even."

"GF: ""you're so childish"" me: ""it's my day too linda"" [we sit in silence] wedding planner: ""so is that a yes or a no on the bouncy castle?"""

"Don't say ""lets get weird"" on our date then get freaked out I'm dressed in Forever 21 and holding your cousin hostage."

"What's the best way to become a Russian leader? Stop Stalin! Just Putin the effort and start Lenin it happen!"