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Joke of the Day

"*puts spider in the ocean* ""Now go free and flourish into an octopus."" *cuts girl in half & puts in ocean* ""Mermaid probably."""

"If my cat didn't want to smoke cigarettes then he never should have bought that leather jacket"

"Mike Tyson's biggest problem was he never had a strong male role model growing up. Mike's dad walked out on the family very early on, after Mike raped him."

"""If I should die before I wake, please don't draw any dicks on my face."""

"Why was the Amish girl kicked out of her community? Too Mennonite"

"what idiot named it jurassic world instead of parks and rex"

"How many Surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish."

"I ap-p-p-p-lied for a j-job as a r-r-r-radio an-n-nouncer. Sh-sh-shame on them, rej-jecting me because I'm b-b-b-black."

"Parenting is basically telling your kids they need to eat more fruit then telling them to quit eating all the fruit."

"Henry Miller said, ""The best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature."" That explains ""Kim is a kunt"" on this restroom wall."