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Joke of the Day
"What is the difference between a black man and an elevator? An elevator can raise a child."
Next Joke
"[is being given CPR by my ex girlfriend] ""do you know how many heart attacks I had to fake before they sent you."""
"Bad sign. My fortune cookie just said, ""Abdominal cramps""."
"Me: You won't believe the dream I had last night! I slapped you in the face with a hot pizza. Him: M: *looks down* *sees pepperoni all over*"
"The best way to remember your 21st birthday, is not at all. Have fun blacking out."
"What do you say to a Jedi who stole your sicilian dessert? ""You owe me one cannoli."""
"I love people who don't take their sweet time pooping in a public bathroom. They take their shit seriously"
"I would request a bunch of Ambien as my last meal so I would look hardcore as hell by falling asleep at my own execution"
"What did the witch say to the ugly toad? I'd put a curse on you - but somebody beat me to it!"
"My biological clock is wheezing."