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Joke of the Day

"I would request a bunch of Ambien as my last meal so I would look hardcore as hell by falling asleep at my own execution"

"why should you never pick a fight with an Israeli baker? Because they know Jew dough"

"Cashier: What does your tattoo say? Me: It doesn't talk. Cashier: Ya, but what does it say? Me: IT DOESN'T TALK. Cashier: Ok, Ma'am."

"""No. No birthdays, Christmas or modern medicine.. But you sure do make great friends going door-to-door"" *Door slams - Jehova's Witnesses"

"Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea? Because all proper tea is theft."

"What is a monkeys favorite candy? Rhesus species"

"When I was a kid I liked my Jack in the Box...But now I prefer my Jack in the Bottle."

"Can a match box? No, but glass can."

"Question AND Answar Q: Why is air a lot like sex? A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any."

"Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?"